Just Keep Smiling

What was it I said to Kurn? I either use humour or idea start breaking peoples necks? It might sound extreme, but that is how I cope. By smiling at everything.

Smiling might no longer be enough.

The display of what humanity could do over the past few weeks has sicken me. The idea of being leered at by more creepy old men was why I chose this new, more unassuming face. I don’t know what my grandparents found enjoyable about doing that sort of thing… It makes me feel almost disturbed to be related to them. That’s the first time I’ve felt unhappy with that side of myself.

But I’ll keep smiling. Keep my real feeling hidden. I have to with what’s been heaped upon us.

Everyone seems to expect us to save the world. At what cost? What is the world doing for us? I’ve grown up in a land where most people would happily lynch me given half the chance. I’ve grown up with one parent stolen from me, and the other… missing in a different way, then missing in both ways.

I thought I had a chance to bring them back. To change how things were so I’d have a proper family. But no. My hopes, everything I’d been striving for during our trip through that hellish world, dashed in a few short words. Not even a chance or a loophole to work around. Just a straight ‘Can’t be done.’

Sure, Kronos said that if I help against the Qu’dani I would find out what happened to my parents. But that’s hardly a consolation prize. And no doubt that’s just going to be another link in the chain. Something else to drag it out, the end never being in sight.

And at this stage, is it even worth it? Will they even remember me? Will they even want me? The way things are going, I doubt it. I’m pushing because of a dream that did not, can not, exist. Building my hopes up the same way I did with the idea of time travel. And I suspect they will be dashed in the same way.

Unless things change… Unless the world that apparently ‘needs’ our help decides to start playing ball and help us… I might not want to help it back. It keeps hinting at better things down the line, then snatches them away from me.

If it keeps toying with me, I might even help bring it down.

And I’ll be smiling while I do it.

Just Keep Smiling

Ravenwatch: Heralds JC_MUNRO