Musings from a Kitsune

The sound from the TV was almost inaudible, so as not to draw Eli’s attention but Kimi had no problems hearing it from under the couch. Her ears were pricked, not just listening to the TV but also listening for any sound of Daniel. Kimi hadn’t been able to find him after leaving the kitchen, and now had resorted to waiting for him in order to talk about the whole dream vision/attack thing.

She clumsily poked at the remote, trying to change the channel. Eventually she found what she was looking for, a channel showing a cop show. Yeah, it probably wasn’t going to be much like real life but if they were going to be bumping into the police a lot it would be a starting point of information if nothing else.

Kimi suddenly realised she’d left her hot chocolate sitting on the countertop in the kitchen. But until Eli had either left the house (probably a couple of hours) or calmed down (probably a couple of weeks) it was far safer to wait. In the meantime, while keeping half an eye on the over the top acting on the screen, Kimi settled for a bit of practice. For some reason, she’d never been able to work out why, her illusions had always been easier to create in her human form than her normal form. She moved one paw into her line of sight, focusing on making it, and by extension the rest of her, disappear from view. It slowly turned translucent then vanished completely, but Kimi got the sense it wasn’t as completely hidden as she’d have liked.

After a few minutes Kimi found herself focusing less on the program and her training, instead thinking more about the raid last night. About that crime boss Pericles and her insistence that they helped him. Why? He was a monster, a drug lord perfectly willing to sacrifice his own men. Was it some high minded ideal, or had her motive been purely selfish? Not wanting another death on her conscience, no matter the consequences to everyone else. Even Jeremy and that one honest cop would have left him to his fate. And now, after all of that, he was back with his gang. Almost every problem since the raid, maybe even the whole dream attack (if the two were linked, which if not was far too much of a coincidence for Kimi’s liking) could be laid at that one decision. Maybe she should have left him to die. But then, if she just started freely killing and letting people die she’d be as bad as Eli, or worse, Alex. Morality was hard.

And the aftermath hadn’t been any better. The incident at the hospital had left her worried. What was bothering her, what was scaring her, wasn’t the fact she ran. That had been the sensible option. No, it was the fact that running was all she’d be able to do. Everyone else would have had a chance to fight. But for Kimi, when her tricks failed her she was left helpless and panicking. She hadn’t even been level headed enough to think about covering her scent. Until now her abilities had been enough but at the hospital, and in the dream, they hadn’t been. Both times she’d run, and both times the consequences had been unpleasant.

Kimi yawned and fought the urge to drift back off to sleep, in case that monster was waiting again. The way it had used the memory of her father had shaken her. At least its further attempts to persuade her to open the door had sounded just like some monster from the TV, making it easier to recover and joke against it. But it had brought up a dark thought from the back of her mind. Did she want her father to still be alive? On the one hand, yes, she longed to see him again. But on the other, it would have meant that he had abandoned her, just like her mother. Just like…

Kimi shook her head, yelping softly as one ear caught slightly on the bodywork of the couch. She didn’t normally brood like this. Normally she’d just smile and laugh it off, play some tricks to keep her diverted. Maybe it was the lack of sleep. It had been one hell of a day. When Daniel had asked them to play hero Kimi had said it sounded like fun. Now, less than 24 hours later, that idea of ‘fun’ seemed like an alien concept. Maybe she just wasn’t ready yet. Maybe she should back out and wait. Or maybe she should continue to press forward on this path no matter how difficult it became.

Lost in her thoughts, Kimi started singing quietly to herself.

“It doesn’t get easy, don’t you know
Fortune smiles on you
You’re not watching, dig that hole deeper
Fortune smiles on you
You’re not watching
Create your own fate.”

Musings from a Kitsune

Ravenwatch: Heralds JC_MUNRO